My testimony may not be the most terrible tale, or the most heart wrenching story, but it brought me closer to God, and maybe in finding out about my journey you can seek solace in Him through yours. So if you’ve read this far, go ahead and join me for the rest. Ignorance isn’t bliss and as much as you tell yourself that knowing the right way to go is too much responsibility, rejecting your walk with God any longer is only prolonging your process of change, hunnie. He’s been waiting patiently for you!
As for me, I had always wanted to be in a relationship. I was constantly told by friends and relatives alike that I was “so pretty” and that I was going to be a “heartbreaker.” I let those things rest in my spirit and felt like I needed a boyfriend to secure all of those compliments. Surly having a boyfriend would solidify everything that they said and I would feel so much better about myself…and maybe even believe them. (Not the case!) So I had my first real boyfriend at the age of 16. We were together for 9 months (which I think is pretty long for a 16 year old!) We didn’t do much but go to the movies and out to eat with each other’s parent’s anything else I was too afraid to venture in to and I was young! God was crazy important to me and I had no problems with the word “no.”
After that relationship had run its course I didn’t get in to another one until I was 18. It was my senior year and I wasn’t really looking to get in to a relationship. Here’s a tip, hunnie: If you know for a fact that you don’t want to be in a relationship then you probably shouldn’t entertain one…no matter how nice they are. He could very well be a man of God, with his head on straight, after God’s own heart, but what gives you the right to play around on his time? If you aren’t ready, say that! He’ll move on to find someone else and you can focus on your time with God. Instead of heeding the above advice I said that I would go on a date with him anyways. He was quiet, dressed nicely, and I could tell right away that he wouldn’t ever try and take advantage of me or treat me poorly. But I wasn’t ready. I didn’t want a boyfriend at the time. So as we dated for a year and eight months I grew close to him, but still stayed closer to God. I questioned the relationship, and I manipulated and treated him badly sometimes. Ultimately I ended up with way more tears than necessary. If you know you’re not ready, why waste your time or his? I know the phrase “wasting time” may be frowned upon by some…some people feel like “well it’s not time wasted if you learned so much”, but I consider it time wasted if I wasn’t living out God’s will. Those relationships didn’t last because they weren’t in God’s will for me. Plain and Simple.
Which leads me into my last adventure without the guidance of the Lord…Have you ever heard someone say “When Satan can’t reach you though the spirit, he’ll find a beautiful man or woman, who can reach you through the flesh.” In my last experience this was true! I had just gotten out of relationship with boyfriend #2 when #3 came strolling in. Ya’ll when I tell you that I had just gotten out of a relationship I mean just. I had absolutely no desire to talk to anyone and as a matter of fact a close friend of mine at the time had told me she had someone in mind. I would constantly tell her “I don’t want anyone! I just had a boyfriend! I’m ready to be single!” And if that were true then I would have never started paying #3 any attention. I ignored him for a little while, saying hello in passing, not caring if my hair was perfect or if I had worn make up that day. As a matter of fact I’m pretty sure I was coming from the gym or a rough nap when I first met him! Now this is just my own personal experience. Before I met #3, absolutely nothing could tear me away from my God. I may have been spoiled, leaving my bible in the car until next Sunday or so I wouldn’t forget it on Wednesday but there was nobody who could tell me that my God wasn’t real, NOBODY.
So while I stayed prayed up, being the age that I was, I placed more emphasis on my prayer, than my knowledge of the Lord. What I didn’t know was that my prayer is so much more powerful and has so much more authorization when the knowledge and wisdom of God and the Bible stand behind it. And that’s where I went wrong! Stop leaving your bible in the car during the week! Take it everywhere you go! Learn from it, be inspired by it, let God talk to you through it, and about it! He created it for us to use as a guide!
So back to #3… low and behold one day, he looked different. My Bible is in the car, soaking up the sun’s rays and none of my attention, and here he comes, walking into the Front Office where I worked. When I tell you that he is everything I said I would NEVER date I mean it. He was 6’3’’, diamond studs in his ears, a “swag” that reminded me of everything but Jesus and a charming voice that would lead any female to believe there has got to be some God behind a creature so attractive. And there simply wasn’t. ALSO: Whenever we were first “talking” and getting to know each other I always felt a sense of nervousness in my spirit. I could never keep still and I felt uncomfortable under his gaze. I had dated attractive boys the world’s way before and #3 was just different. He was terribly good looking and smart: a Pre-Med student. So I’m already enthralled with the world and my ideas of romance and to top it off I’m ignoring the holy spirit on the inside telling me to run from this boy! Instead I ran toward him because he looked good and sounded good and after all when you’re young you’re suppose to have fun, that was my mind set. It was the wrong mindset to have. We were together for a year and 2 months. I was an emotional wreck the entire time. The Lord showed me that he wasn’t serious about his walk with him, #3 even verbalized that he “wasn’t sure if God was for him.” And I stayed anyways! Oftentimes people will tell and show you exactly who they are, and you don’t have to go anywhere to find it…its right in front of your face!
I selfishly prayed for his salvation allowing him to break boundaries that I had and start to manifest his Y.O.L.O. lifestyle into my heart! The world is under the impression that you only live ONCE and I’m here to tell you that GOD says otherwise. There is life after death and I’m claiming my spot in heaven with the Lord through prayer, fasting, learning and living for him EVERYDAY! Not just Wednesdays and Sundays.
As many boundaries as I let #3 cross, I will say that I stayed true to what I told God and that was absolutely NO SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE. To know that I can create ties with my best friends; WOMEN that I love, what makes you think that you can’t form the same ties simply talking to a man, let alone having SEX with him! Though I may have formed many ties with #3, my body was not to be entered by anyone.
It’s crazy what you’ll hold onto in the mist of everything. For me, when I was trying to find self worth in relationships, I held on to my virginity! I held onto the part of me that was most like Jesus! Even in my wrong, I CLUNG TO WHAT I KNEW WAS RIGHT. But this walk is about so much more than Virginity. Virginity isn’t everything and the bible defines it differently than the world…I dare you to go and check it out, you’d be surprised!
This walk is about forming a relationship and bond with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. The Lord doesn’t care if I’m a virgin or not, he’d forgive me if I weren’t! He simply cares about where my allegiance lies and that should always be with him. POINT BLANK. Give God all of you! I’m still working on making myself a better disciple that God wants me to be and it’s a struggle dying every day to the desires of my own heart, but it’s worth it to know that God’s plan is so much greater than my own! He’s brought me out of relationship after relationship to let me know that he is my EVERYTHING!
Through the teachings of Faith Tabernacle of Praise Ministries, The Kingdom Church, The GatheringOasis Ministries, and Heather Lindsey’s Pinky Promise Movement I have learned so much! There are links to all of the wonderful things that I’ve learned but luckily there’s one in your home that takes no internet connection at all. Your BIBLE. Through it you can access the Lord himself and guard your heart, mind and spirit with the wisdom and knowledge it possesses.
God loves you and so do I! Always WATCH AND PRAY!
Thanks for reading! Don’t let my mistakes become your own!